Slow Fire Makes Sweet Malt with Gummy Chauncey
Gummy Chauncey XXXXXX@gmail.com
To: Ben Yaxley YYYYYY@gmail.com
Sat, May 16, 2026 at 7:45 PM
Hey boy!
Hows time? Thankye for sendin the performance to me. I'm rate proper sorry to ha nautin to show for it jus yet.. as my da use to say "slow fire makes sweet malt"... the only prolem is, I hant even yet started wi bildin the fire!! LOL.
An on a note more somber, I jus go to say, the nex time ye gone te sen me a performance pls do sen me a smaller file. When I saw yer video was moren 2 gigs I says to myself, "a-oo!!!", ye near made made me jump outo my computer chair caus as yeknow, Sulby village hant got nary any innernet connection on acct a them bildin th new militry base, like top secret like its rlly a proper braew hassel caus if I wan te check ma email or me instagram I ha to cycle all away te the librey in Ramsey like, set at one ofem computers like, set wi all the funny buggers like, all the neerdowells all settin there lookin a things they shouln be, its really disgustin an it rly is a proper hassel causas yknow, weav only a halfour allotment for computer time like, time enough to check me messages or print som papers but definetly nae time enough to downloat a rate braew 2 Gigabyt file tha saysis gonn take me oer 45 minutes like, "nae gonna happen" like, I ha to nag one ofem cretchy librerians like getem tae downloat for me like, ha to enter ma details on one othere computers like, worry boutem stealin my infomation like, snoop thru ma secrets or downloatin me privet pictures for improper use like, I know theys just old libraryans bet ye never can tell, so I just ha to set there worryin an twiddlin my wee thumbs all waitin for yer 2 gigabyt vid te finish downloatin like, I rly wish it wernt such a hassel like so ye can pictur my surprise when i finly go te watch it an see tha the screen is gone al still, like stil as are statue like, I ca see th videos playin but its proper braew stil, like ise stil hear the sound but ther isnae any movement like, "whas going on?" like, is yer whol 30 minut video jus a picture of a lassie settin behin one othem latop computers like, a-ooo!!! ise so confuse like, ise jus abou to call oer the libraryan when BLam i see somethin movin like, I see the lassie like movin her arm like, proper thirsty like, movin her arm to take a drink o water like a-ooo!!! is this been a movin picture this whol time??!! a-oo!!! di ye do this on purpos like, is this oner yer famous "benace the menace" typ pranx like, is no funny like, is properly no funny is jus annoying like, ye made me waste oer an hourer me time like, ye made me proper cretchy like, ise feelin so rate proper cretchy wi ye like, if this is th actual performance than ye didnae nee te sen me a rate braew 2 gigabite file when is jus a lassie havin a sipper water like, ise feelin so proper cretchy like, nex time ye send yer performance if the performer is nae doin noutin then ye shoul jus sen me a jpeg picture an one othem mp3s.
Gummy.
Ben Yaxley YYYYYY@gmail.com
To: Gummy Chauncey XXXXXX@gmail.com
Sat, May 16, 2026 at 8:12 PM
hey gummy.
i'm so sorry !! i completely forgot about your internet situation. i'll make sure to upload it to youtube for you next time, but if you still feel like reviewing the video, im sure youll come up with something really great. im keen for some manx magic.
your friend,
the yiz
Gummy Chauncey XXXXXX@gmail.com
To: Ben Yaxley YYYYYY@gmail.com
Sat, May 16, 2026 at 8:52 PM
Hey boy.
I'm sorry I sounded rate proper cretchy in the last email. Blame the Manx temper lol. I said my peace and clicked send before I even made time to push it through a spell checker lol. Remember how you used to send back my letters all covered in corrections? LOL.
But it doesn matter. Brisk walk in the square did my head some wonders. I was walkin past the chippy when I got reminded of the spot out aback where you got me to write... "yaxley rules ok". LOL. Still there over 20 years later cept some hoodlums ha gone replaced the last two words with something else... LOL. Speakin of, do ye think mine is still on the bench at the front of yer Darlington post office? LOL. I can't ever remember what I got ye to write. lmao.
Well, I might as well confess the reason for my rate bonny mood. While ise wer lookin at your graffiti I felt something slitely touchin my leg an I letout a shout "a-ooo!" bu wen I look doun a see its jes one a them scratchies, what ye call em? one othem silvrey cards tha ye rub with a shilling so as to hopefly win anoer shillin, an ise abou te kick it away when I deci te putet in the litter bin insted an ise jes looking at the scratchy thinkin "a-oo, someones had a rate braew go, scratched all over but didna win nautin" but then I think "a-oo, whas this?" caus oat the corner ma eye I see thers stil a lil square box that hasnae even bee rubbed yet, so ise take a shilling ou me totebag an rub an I rub an I keep rubbin an theres a big pile of silvrey dus and i giv it a blo an wen i look down i cannae believe my eyes. "A-oo!! A-oo!!!! Lookye here eryone, lookye here, me names Gummy Chauncey an i jus won tweny quid!!!" I jes cannae believ my luck , ise feel jes like the man in tha telly show "My Name is Earl", ha ye seen it? yed love it, an so I ron to the ticket shop an say "a-oo! lookye here, is me Gummy Chauncey the Queen of the Isle". LOL. An the ticke seller is bein all fancy goin "wa-ooo, Gummy Chauncey, looka you" an he goes to the safe an comes back wi a braew glossy note for twenny quid, neer been foldid an never been crispd an ise thinkin aoo! i kno ye said this mouthguard publication wasa "volunteer endeavor" until we ge govermen funding an all but im walkin back to the librey wi my firs twenny quid thinking "wa-oooo, lookye here a ye girl Gummy Chauncey, lookye here a who jus go paid for her firs proper writing job". LOL.
So thas why i'm nae feeling cretchy any more. I'm feelin jes the opposite, settin here wi ma wee girl heart beatin like an eel wi joy. I kno I wrote allose papers for college but thisa me first ever stint as a professional writer! Only prolem is, I hant even written a word yet!!!! LOL.
Traa dy lioorar, Gummy.
Gummy Chauncey XXXXXX@gmail.com
To: Ben Yaxley YYYYYY@gmail.com
Sat, May 16, 2026 at 8:59 PM
Benace the Menace
I'm sorry I clickt send too aerly again. I know my spellin is proper shockin, I'm sersly thinkin bout installin that "Chat GPT" I keep hearin braew things about. Ha ye eer used it yet?
Also I didnae mention what haaned when I got back te th librey. Ise saw my airbuds was ripped ou fre my computer an were in the airs o one o them pervers and thank ma lucky stars caus im properly sure i didna wan to be hearin what they was watchin... LOL. Well the libren said she didna mind me playin yer video fro the speakers on acct of the music bein so relaxin like. Wha they call it, "ambient music"? Is tha why the lassie says shes named Amby Downs? LOL. I got a wee joke abou that comin up in my notes. I hant figured out my full review yet, I jus got some wee jokes an humris observations like. Do ye hav any avice for shapin som jpkes into an "essay" like? do i have to hav like an intro an thesis statement? pls lemme know.
Gummy
Ben Yaxley YYYYYY@gmail.com
To: Gummy Chauncey XXXXXX@gmail.com
Sat, May 16, 2026 at 9:31 PM
hey gummi ship.
don't worry about an essay, and definately don't worry about spelling. i trust your comic sensibility. send me your tight five.
beat box bez
Gummy Chauncey XXXXXX@gmail.com
To: Ben Yaxley YYYYYY@gmail.com
Sun, May 17, 2026 at 11.21 PM
Dear "beat box bez"
What on earls a gummy ship? an what do ye mean by "tight five"? A-oo, you mean me best five jokes. Aye. Take yer pick.
Whas the name, Amby Downs? LOL. You Australians shorten everything!! Well... "amby" music is nae really my cup o tea, makes me want to fall to sleep LMAO. But I do quite fancy the bird sounds.
A-oo!!! Whats this rate braew laughin bird wi the madcap sound? Is it a kookaburra? LOL. On the Isle we have a saying: "laughter is contagous". Well we already got your wallabys... imagine if we go your kookaburas too! we'd naever get any work done!! LOL.
How come eryones always watchin pornography on the computers o the public librey? At least downloat em onto a thumb drie n watch em on yer latop at home. Its disrespectful to the libren, an also to women.
I like how the amby lassy is mixing in the sounds of nature. Makes me feel like I'm in "the outback" bout to bump into "Crocodile Dundee" lol. On the Isle of Man we have a bird jus like th kookaburra, "manx shearwater" is called but we callem puffins... and ye know what their name is in latin? Puffinus puffinus!!! LOL. There rate proper cretchy too, always moainin an complainin like "a-oo!! the seas too cold and the burrows too dark!" lmao. And ye can always hear em a mile away, always carryin on bein cretchy. you ever seen Pingu? they sound like him gettin strangled. LOL.
I kno not eryone can be the Bee Gees but if ye wante be "punk rock" by being all stil as a statue ye should at leas turn your back to th audienc LOL.
Still (word joke intented lol) this ambient lassie is a welcom change fro all the manxmen who dance at the Ramsey markets evry saturday. I dont kno how many times ive had to watchem doin the same jigs agen and agen, the "huntin o the wren" and the "tappin the gorse" and the "doing the hop-tu-naa".. ya ya ya, shoot me wi a crossbow already. LOL. An fer the record, I ha nautim against our folkways, I work a th museim an all, but when theyrw the only performers we eer see and they neer eer change do nautin new, well i think the manxmen coul do wi a bi o this "post modern Sid Viscous amby music"... mabe i coul trap some puffins in a cage, let em scream blue murder aside th accordion player. LOL.
The libraryn was toleratin the lassies music a first bu got proper cretchy when the kookaburas returnd fer a second time, i ha to switch it off lol so i only go te watch about 15 minutss but i figurd thats time enough.
I know its not rlly a "tight five", mayb i should delit the third joke about public wankin lol but iv been to th open mic sevril times, everyon always does a joke in th midle bout wankin, what do ye call it in aus? I just got chat gpt, it says ye call it "choking the gecko"... LOL. Is that rly true?
Sincerly your friend
Gummy Chauncey
Ben Yaxley YYYYYY@gmail.com
To: Gummy Chauncey XXXXXX@gmail.com
Mon, May 18, 2026 at 01:08 AM
unfortunately it is true gummy, but only among the older generation, pre boomers and such.
people today don't seem to care about australian animals. they dont get put in euphemisms anymore. i think its a bad development.
re the tight five: i love the jokes, love the new things i'm learning about the isle of man. also, i just listened to a recording of a manx shearwater. truly horrific.
i was thinking, what if we printed this email chain? i reckon thatd be cool and funny. obviously you can say no if you like.
let me know, and thank you!
the yiz
Gummy Chauncey XXXXXX@gmail.com
To: Ben Yaxley YYYYYY@gmail.com
Wed, May 20, 2026 at 10:15 PM
Aye ye mean jus copyin all the email text? Well yessir if ye say so, i nae got nauthin te hide.. But pls jus blur my email or scrash it out, i donae need any madman aussie stalkers on ma trail, ive seen wolfs creek. LOL.
Traa Dy Liooar,
Gummy Chauncey